Dear Friends,
I assume that most of you (or at least those of you who follow news) have heard about the tragedy which occurred here in Afghanistan last week. Four staff members of the organisation I am working for, IRC (three international program staff and one national driver) were brutally killed in an ambush just one hour south of Kabul. A fifth person, the driver of the second convoy, was injured but luckily survived and is well of.
I was on the same road the same day ( I was heading south, they were heading north, we swapped cars in between half an hour before it happened), and was eventually evacuated back to Kabul. It is still extremely difficult to grasp what happened, and why it happened. I wish I would have the energy to write down all the thoughts which have been going through my head since it happened, as well as my feelings (which cover the whole range from anger, sadness, disbelieve, shock, and relief to be alive), but at the moment, I am just not yet able to do so. I might put up some few notes on my blog over hte coming days.
This email is to let you all know that I am ok, as ok as one can be after such a tragedy occures. I also would like to thank all those of you who have contacted me either by telephone, email or skype over the past days, expressing your condolence, but also your anger and shock over what happened. Even though I didnt respond to many emails, it meant a lot to me reading your notes, and in some cases, for those of you who are here in KAbul, even talking to you last night during the memorial serviceRegarding my future, I am currently completely unsure where I will head to. As much as I still adore Afghanistan for its history, its people, its great landscapes, I am desillusioned by what happened. These three courageous women have done nothing wrong, instead, they have tried to reach out to communities, wiht education programs and programs for children with disabilities. Given my current feelings, as well as the level of scare (yes, for one of the first times in my life, I am truly scared; security really deteriorated over the past months, the entire country seems to be completely out of balance; it doesnt help to know about all these sick guys out there, who are able to kill unarmed women, claiming they are spies), i dont think that I can stay much longer in this country if I want to keep a glimpse of sanity.
Tomorrow or aftertomorrow I will head to Vancouver, to accompany (together with another good friend) the remainings of my friend and colleague Shirley on her last journey. After that I will head home to italy, spend some time with my family, with close friends, learning again to walk on the street without being immediately alerted by anything that is slighlty different from the normal. After that I might come back to Afghanistan, for few more months, supporting my organisation in transitioning into a new phase. After that, I am not sure what I will do. Maybe continuing a similar work in more secure countries. Maybe escaping into the alps and working as a trekking guide (something I have been dreaming of since I was a kid); maybe just some travels for a while; or maybe settling down, taking on a normal job and getting some kids on my own. As said, I am quite undecided on what to do next.All what I know for now is that I am happy to be here, happy to be able to write you these lines, and knowing that I might at least see some of you again one day. And more than everything else, I am happy that I have had opportunity to get to know three great and inspiring people, Nicole D, Shirley C and Jackie K.
Peace
Johanna
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